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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Like I said, oh, I'm sorry, my dance is my name.
I am your ferryman tonight.
And if you look off to your right, you'll see nothing.
And if you look off to your left,
you'll see more nothing.
Ooh, that nothing's fun.
Yes, you may enjoy some of the screams of the damned.
A two-wheeled war machine with this red-haired figure.
It's Smiler, who's come back up
and a bigger war machine coming in behind.
Dense, you notice immediately that it's got the brand
of Mad Maggie on this larger war machine.
You took out a couple of her vehicles there
and a bunch of her people.
Yeah, you did.
No. Yeah, you mean the ones
you told us to target?
The ones that you got us to target?
Ah, Patrick, Phil, don't worry what they're saying.
Yeah, we're new here.
We're definitely in charge.
You're gonna listen to this guy?
He pees without holding his willy.
Well, we pee without holding our willies too.
We're Siamese, so sometimes we hold each other's willies
just to be supportive.
It's how it goes.
Well, I mean, you do you,
but like, can we maybe talk about this?
No.
Well, asked and answered, I guess.
Asked and answered, I mean.
Before you, you see the land
or the first layer, abyssal layer of Psoonia.
Psoon-tite.
It is a, for what this creature,
this hideous, vein-popping, grotesque,
like flesh sloughing off of its face creature is,
it looks like an immediate sense of panic
and lets out a call and continues down forwards
and hits into the boat,
dispersing the daggers behind it,
which ripples out your effect,
and they all begin swarming and bombing your location
as you're getting close to.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, Him, also with me today is Carla Maxted.
She, her, that's me.
I am playing Lipsinki Pipdingens,
who is a deep gnome warlock.
I feel like I just don't say that enough,
so there it is.
It's good to know.
Tom Laird's here.
He, Him, and I'm playing Flint Firebeard,
who also goes by He, Him,
and he is a male mountain dwarf fighter
of the champion variety.
And I almost said Anthea, Mastasia, and Amy More.
Yep, she, her, and why,
Anthea and I are very intertwined,
and I will be playing her today.
Anthea is a high elf druid,
she, her, pronouns,
and I will also be playing Nighthunter,
she, they, who is a Goliath barbarian.
And Kyle Clasets here.
Hey, hey, he, him.
I'm gonna be playing Vorunax, also he, him,
who is a male green dragonborn,
although I believe currently I'm actually a red dragonborn
due to some hellish ichor.
Yes, you are.
Yeah, you were a bit splotchy, right?
You had sort of a new ichor.
I forgot about you.
A little bit, yeah.
Who else got yuckified?
That'd be Flint, right?
Oh, that'd be Flint.
Yeah, and I believe we established
that so did Smiler,
and that's why his penis floats,
is that he touched it, the ichor.
And now he doesn't have to hold it to pee.
Got it.
But we've already moved to a different plane,
so we don't care about Smiler anymore.
Smiler's back there getting beat down by Mad Maggie.
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
That's right.
Yeah.
Also with us today before we get too into things
that happened in the last episode, Cicero.
Hey, hey, he, him, and I am playing Dentz.
He's a male aracaracarca, that I can't say,
who is also he, him.
It's better every time because it's slightly different
and I love that.
Yeah, it's always kind of one extra syllable
than it was last time.
This is gonna be an enormous name by the time we're done.
It's a snowflake.
Love it, thanks for, wait, did I introduce Kyle?
Yes, I did.
Yeah, that's how we got onto the ichor talk.
I just had this brief moment of like,
oh fuck, I forgot to introduce Kyle.
He's not here now.
Okay.
He's still here.
He's definitely here.
Well, thank you for being here.
We appreciate you all for being here,
and you too, you listening.
Thanks for being here.
Yeah, you.
Yeah, you.
Too cool.
Thank you.
Yeah.
If you're listening to us here,
that could mean that you've listened to us
for a very long time,
and maybe you wanna join us over
at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
where, guess what?
We have another podcast.
It's true.
The Adventures of, our friend Tom runs it.
Because we don't put out enough episodes,
we give you more episodes.
Yo dog, I heard you liked episodes.
So we put an episode inside your episode.
There's so many episodes.
That's what we need,
a podcast inside a podcast,
playing a game of a game.
Perfect.
That's the new goal that we have.
But when you are a patron,
you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron,
Yannick Andreas.
Yannick Andreas.
Yannick Andreas.
Yannick Andreas.
Again, our listeners have amazing names.
I know.
Oh, Yannick, thank you for listening.
That's fun to say,
and probably looks great too.
The words and Yannick.
Yes.
Both.
Andreas, that's such a strong like.
Yeah.
He's a 10, no but.
All but.
All but.
A 10 out of 10 but.
Sorry they're talking about your but.
I think we need to stop sexually harassing the patrons
or do we?
I don't know.
Sorry about that.
Let us know on Discord.
More, less, we'll do like whatever you want.
Unlike the last one where you doubled it up,
Carla, maybe take this one out.
I don't know.
We'll see how it sounds.
Okay.
If it sounds too much.
But after you've joined us,
at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
uh, fuck again.
I know.
Fuck it, let's play.
Twice in a, this is how we do it now.
Russ, set something up that doesn't lead
into the next part of a sentence.
What a half sentence is going on over here.
There is an echoing cacophony of sound around you.
Specifically, Thea and Flint and Vorunax and Dent and Grant.
Who else did I say?
Lipsynchee's not there.
Night Hunter.
Night Hunter also not there.
The two of them are not there.
You, the rest of you are overlooking this coliseum
and you see the two of them,
and you see the two of them tied to this altar of sorts.
And there's chanting all around.
Dent and Vorunax, you recognize it as Infernal,
even though you spent some time in and around the area.
I'm sorry, Vorunax doesn't know Infernal?
He doesn't, he said he doesn't.
Hilarious.
Where you just move there
and never bother to learn the language.
Well, that's a different language, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Cause I also speak, like, yeah, we got Abyssal,
it's different.
Infernal and Abyssal.
Oh, it's a different category of hell.
This is first layer Abyssal,
so you know there's crossing of, you know, Infernal.
It's like a real dialect thing.
I mean, the whole debate began from a misunderstanding.
And probably there's some words that are the same.
Like we can probably pick up a few things, you know?
It's gotta come from the Abyssal region of Avernus.
That's right, technically.
Yes.
Nobody knows what the chanting is.
You see,
you see this figure enter this arena
and it is this muscular humanoid body
with like the, it never skips leg day,
these big black and red wings on its back,
this huge long sword.
And he's got like this, like part bird, part dog face
and this long wispy hair.
It's like Fabio, but Brunette is what it is.
And you're all waiting to see what's happening
for a brief moment and Grants is from behind says,
well, it doesn't sound like it's gonna be good.
So we're tied up like in the center of the-
Yeah, we cut down to Lipsinki and Nighthunter
and they are-
Are we on two separate altars?
We cut ahead, are we feet to feet?
How do you wanna be?
They gave you that.
I'd like us to be able to chat.
So if we could be on the same altar,
you're back to back, tied to each other.
Oh, just sitting on the-
Sitting on the altar. Classic.
Yeah, it's as they do in Indiana Jones.
Well, sure, yeah.
Lipsinki. Yeah.
Is it okay if I break your body
as I escape these ropes?
I will get us all free,
but I will require to pull very hard.
Well- And you are so small.
This is the thing I've got two thoughts.
Number one, I'm very small.
Can you just not like backpack me around
because I'm like a quarter your size or something?
Absolutely, but- And then I could maybe do
some spin kicks or cast spells behind you.
I mean, I guess they've got our legs
kinda tied down too, but- You need to get these ropes off.
If I pull very hard, I will break your bones.
How many do you need?
Second point, did you, can you see that guy
or that them?
Because- I was trying not to look at
very, all the muscles.
I mean- No, sure, that's very-
I know we're sort of probably in mortal danger
right now, but you might wanna,
I don't know, just take a gander over there
because- You know, I am hiply married,
but- I mean, you're not dead.
Boy has thighs, right?
But also, please don't break my body.
I'm sure we can figure something else out.
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
They raise their arm and it's a loud cheer
among the stadium.
We cut back up to the other group.
It sounds like they're gonna sacrifice them.
Did you catch that?
Yes, we gathered that, Grant says.
What seems to be, Russ,
what seems to be the easiest way
of getting to where they are?
Down through the crowd.
And how big is it?
Like, I'm picturing the roaming Coliseum.
I'm picturing the scene in Gladiator
where he gives the like-
Yeah. Sure, yeah.
Are they in a boat at the top of the Coliseum?
No, we've disembarked the boat.
We're in the Coliseum. Great question.
I didn't know.
I just thought they were in a boat and we were-
We left it being dive bombed
by those giant scary bird things.
Things happen. Things happen.
You go through the portal and the boat's gone.
We were in action. We've cut ahead.
We can fill in the gaps on how we got there,
how you two specifically high-level,
big-muscled, you know, very scary people
got captured by all these birds.
I'd like to clarify, I have no muscles.
I'm very small.
Well, you got big spells, though.
I have a deep seeded fear of birds.
That's right.
A bit.
How far away is this, uh,
Sacrificer person?
Uh, 120 feet.
Good to know.
Uh, did you want to know
what they're going to do to them?
Uh, no, I am going to-
Something about tongue plucked raw.
I'm going to tell you-
Wait, hold on a second.
How do you know?
Well, because I can speak their language.
Is this like the time that you said
that you could read the menu
when we were at that Dwarven establishment
and you couldn't?
We still got good food, didn't we?
No, we did.
You did.
The rest of us did not.
Well, that's luck of the draw.
But no, this I studied,
well, at the library.
I studied Infernal.
It's like Infernal a day speaks the devil away,
is what the book was called.
Yeah.
I'd read the shit out of that.
Well, then it sounds like we should stop that
and I'm going to start
bashing down there.
I think his name is Pazuzu, if that helps.
Well, that's a funny name.
What are they going to do to our friends down there?
Oh, you want to hear now?
Yeah, I would, yeah.
Well, pause for a moment.
Let's hear a story.
No, okay, say it fast.
Tongue plucked raw from gaping maw.
It's got a pace to it.
You've got to absorb it.
It's a whole cadence thing.
Blood and vein let fall like rain.
Yup, that's going to be bad.
Behold these eyes, your bloody prize.
And now the fall from vaulted hall.
Fall hall, like a good rhyming scheme.
Okay, we don't need the commentary.
These bones, this flesh consume it all.
Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu.
That was fucking awful.
Felt like there could be something
referencing lacerated skies.
Oh, that would have been good, too.
Maybe if we get the writer of it,
we could get them to tweak it a little bit.
Well, I don't want our friends
to have their eyes plucked out
and their tongue ripped from their mouth, so.
Same.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Let's go, because we're going to need
all hands on deck for this whole thing to work,
so this is.
Oh, all hands on deck.
Let's huddle up.
And he, and Dents puts his hand
in the middle for everyone to.
Grancis is in there.
Fia's trying really hard not to look shocked.
Like she totally remembered Dents was here
and was like, you wanna, are you sure you wanna come?
Dents has been in, he was telling me a story
about how he ended up on the River Styx.
Weren't you listening?
Well, now I need to get my boat.
Okay, no, yeah, totally.
And I gotta, I gotta finish my thing.
Three, two, one, go.
So, yeah, so we've got,
how many people are up here?
Seven.
Five.
Yeah.
So, then Dents casts heroism at the fourth level.
Dents is in it, and I love it.
On everyone when they huddle up.
We just feel like we can fucking do it now?
We're gonna go down there.
Yeah, so they are all,
they get an additional four temporary hit points.
Oh.
And they are all immune to being frightened.
Hell yeah.
Relevant.
And yeah, that's it.
Nice.
I can never die.
No, that, no.
Yes.
So, there's a lot of things in this room.
Do we want a popcorn initiative
or do we want a roll initiative?
Do we roll initiative?
We forgot a couple of people last time,
and they didn't flow as well as we could have.
Okay, ice cream dice, I'm giving you another chance.
Nine.
That's a 14.
11.
Nine.
So, this is 13 for,
are we gonna be dead before any of us get a turn?
Yeah, roll Night Hunter in,
like you won't have your, it was.
Choose a 13 and then 11 for the, yeah.
So, you're a what's gonna trigger initiative.
So, Vorunax, you're basically,
take it you're first to kinda rush down there
as was previously said, what do you do?
He didn't want to listen to anything.
He wanted to just fucking go.
He was like, no, don't care about the poem, bye.
Well, let's think he's in trouble, so.
Gotta get down there, or just dash.
That's about all I can do,
considering that's my movement in action.
Okay.
Going down the crowd like, excuse me, pardon me.
I was just saying the exact same thing.
Oh, sorry, should I go backwards or, okay.
What's better, crotch to crotch or butt to crotch?
I don't know.
Pushing past a hot dog and popcorn vendor,
it goes flying into the stadium.
Oh, I know what I can do.
On top of that, I can use a bonus action
to cast Shield of Faith on Lipsinki,
giving her a plus two on AC.
Great, so that, you charge down there,
all of these bird-legged winged creatures look to you
and the chanting slows, doesn't stop immediately,
but slows and kinda waves out around
as this main figure who you can presume is Pazuzu
down at the bottom looks up
and just kind of smirks at you
and takes a few big wingbeats
and begins moving towards you
and is going to try and swing his giant long sword at you
for a 24.
That will hit.
All righty then, you are going to take.
Is this the first time Farnox has been hit by a weapon?
I almost think so.
Yeah, by Ace Ventura.
Righty then.
Oh, hey there.
We wanna tell you about a super fun show
called the Down to the Wire podcast.
It's a show with the goal of making news,
which is normally so, so scary and bad.
So bad, just so, so hard.
This is the fun kind.
This is the funny ones that in the olden times
when there would be a little side panel
with a little fun story,
this is what they're talking about
and they're very funny. Super funny.
So they wanted to make news fun
from the front page to the back,
is the way to describe it and set up their show.
So they give you news that is important
or relevant to the time and day,
like the most recent episode,
they're talking about the wild chaos
with M&Ms and feminist colors
and how just men are mad about it.
You know.
Yeah.
Just culture war nonsense.
It's so ridiculous,
but they point out that it's so ridiculous
and have some fun talking about it.
There's lots of great,
you can go back and listen to lots of great things.
They do have what I like is
to make these a little more evergreen
because news content can sometimes be like,
well, I wanna hear about it in the week
and then I don't care about it.
But they talk about themselves and their lives
and they have a lot of like a through line
throughout the entire show
that makes you wanna listen throughout the entire thing.
Yeah. They're very,
here's how they're like us.
They seem cool and they're friends
and they just kind of chit chat
and they're Canadian.
So like 10 out of 10 already, right?
100%. We will only,
that's a lie.
We won't only support Canadian people.
It's a lie.
But we will support them a lot.
Here's a Canadian thing.
If there's something else that's Canadian,
it's amazing.
Yep.
So we're so proud to support it.
So I feel like our fans like us,
like 10% because of the Canadian content.
So these boys are too.
Everybody needs more Canadian content.
And oh, to clarify,
they don't just specifically talk about
Canadian news based materials,
which would dry up probably pretty quick.
Yeah. There's only so many moose stories
you can talk about.
More moose stories is what they need.
They do talk about world events
and crazy things happening all over the place.
Yes.
You can find and listen to
or watch the Down to the Wire podcast.
They're available on Spotify, Apple, YouTube,
and wherever else you find podcasts.
Thanks to Down to the Wire for their support of us.
Go listen.
Go listen. It's fun.
You're going to take 42 slashing damage.
Shit, son.
And 10 necrotic damage.
It's 52 total.
Cool.
I'm going to use my reaction and do a hellish rebuke
at a fifth level.
Okay.
I need a deck save 20.
Okay.
I'm going to use my reaction and do a hellish rebuke
at a fifth level.
Okay.
I need a deck save 20.
Uh, 19.
That's 30 fire damage.
Oh, yes.
Probably not too effective,
but something's better than nothing.
You know, that's good.
I don't know, man.
He's not wearing many clothes.
Strikes into you and is right in front of you.
Like on the backswing,
as he's encircled in these flames,
you see his skin blistering underneath it
and takes a few wingbeats back
and extinguishes the fire
and is like 30 feet above
in the center of this chamber now.
It is your turn, Vorunax.
Well, if the fire seemed to be effective,
then I am going to cast Fireball
at a fifth level.
Sweet.
Love a good Fireball.
It's been a while since I've played Fireball.
So another deck save of 20.
Okay, let's see if we can beat it.
That's 22.
22. Okay.
So half damage instead on 10d6.
So 12 damage.
His Fireball erupts.
What's the range or the damage?
It's a 20 foot radius.
Okay, so yeah, he's up in the middle of the air
so wouldn't catch any bystanders,
but like Wing Singed is going to fall to the ground
and not be able to catch himself.
He's going to take some bludgeoning damage for that.
Another 10 as he hits the ground with a thud
and scrambles back up to his feet.
Anything else you can do?
I can move up 30 feet and be right up in his face.
You do that.
You're within melee of him.
Night Hunter is first.
I would like to try to get out of these ropes
without breaking Lipsinki's body.
Okay.
So I guess I'm going to try to,
I don't know,
snap the ropes with my big muscles.
Okay.
Make a strength check.
Yep.
You're just trying to like fLex so hard.
I'm trying to fLex so hard that they start to like break
or at least loosen, you know, when you tie a knot
but then you pull it from the loop area
and there's still a little bit of give there.
Maybe someone did a shitty job.
18.
So is your goal to break them or loosen?
Loosen them.
Okay, then yeah, you fLex your muscles.
They stretch out Lipsinki on your turn.
With this adjustment, you feel the ability
to like wriggle yourself free
with Night Hunter's assistance.
Do you think you could get out?
Oh, I think so.
I'm pretty slight.
So I think, I think so.
We'll say that's happening kind of in tandem
as Thea takes her turn.
Okay.
You see as Pazuzu in the center now
rushed by Vorunax, it takes these couple of huge hits.
The rest of the crowd is stirring
and some taking flight, some looking,
turning back up towards you and your crew,
some turning and looking towards Vorunax
and the sacrificial lambs in the center, so to speak.
Mm-hmm, okay.
Why the things I want to do, I have to touch people.
As you're-
Fuck touching people.
You're, yeah, you're just like being up close and personal.
It's just up close and personal.
Okay, well, I mean, Flaming Sphere looks pretty good.
So she's gonna send one over.
So as she's running down the stands-
Yeah, you push past the hot dog
and popcorn guy who's picked up his stuff.
That's right, again, who just stood up.
Aw, man!
And she is going to send out
a five foot in diameter sphere.
It's a little purpley fire at Pazuzu.
Deck save for my part.
Yeah, go ahead.
Three. It's a 10.
That's not good enough.
20 fire damage.
So, yeah, it comes over top of Vorunax's head
and crashes down into Pazuzu who's blasted back,
scrambling on the ground, reaching for his weapon.
Anything else you can or would like to do?
Yeah, sure.
I stop and I ground myself
and I take out my long bow and I shoot an air at him
because like, why the fuck not?
Why the fuck not?
It's a magical world.
Because why the fuck not?
Why the fuck not?
No, I say why the fuck not.
I say it loud.
21.
21 to hit?
Yes.
Yes, I think.
Yes?
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
Are you sure?
No.
You wanna hit him?
Yeah.
Hit him.
It's only for five.
But I hope it stings.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like a paper cut.
I'm sure it will.
It hurts really bad, but not really a lot of damage.
Yeah.
The damage is high.
That's right.
Yes, it is.
Come into my house.
Give me a paper cut.
I do it again.
Okay, Lipsinki, you're wriggling free.
I am, and it's the perfect time
if he has experienced a little bit of psychic damage
because what I would like to do
is a spell I like to call Bad Vibes,
but is actually called Negative Energy Flood.
I love Bad Vibes better.
Bad Vibes better.
Bad Vibes is good.
Get wizards on the horn.
I just wanna really send some bad vibes at him.
So I'm gonna send ribbons of negative energy
at this mofo.
He needs to make a con save.
Is he undead?
Negative, not undead.
Great, he needs to make a con save.
How does seven work?
It does not.
Ooh, man, he gets some bad vibes.
That paper cut really got in his kitchen,
and now I'm coming in.
Right, shook.
And he is going to take 5d12 necrotic damage,
and...
5d12?
That's good d12s.
Most folks don't ever get to roll a d12 in their life.
I was gonna say, it's rare you get to roll one.
Right.
That is 34.
Oh, fuck yeah, it is.
Sorry, what type of psychic damage?
That is necrotic damage.
And also, it like...
We take all of that necrotic damage?
I can't tell you that.
He finds it just dispiriting.
He's like, what am I even doing here?
I don't even really like doing this anymore.
I'd rather just be at home.
Just trying all of his life choices.
This place used to be so fun,
but now the bad vibes are setting in.
It's just the vibes in this place are just wrong.
Was all set to make some sacrifices, brah, and like...
Does he look drained of energy and life?
Well, I mean, considering he's taken over 100 damage
in less than three seconds, he's not looking great.
No, I mean, specifically from that spell.
You know, he is paying attention.
Sure, yeah, no, he's...
She saw the fire seem to work, so she took the fire.
Now she's looking very closely at what Lipsinki's doing.
Yeah, he's looking not real...
He's looking not real up on everything, but he's pissed.
And he screams up into the air, which riles everybody.
For my movement, can I like wiggle free?
Yes.
And then maybe start working on...
I guess once I wiggle free,
then Night Hunter can also wiggle free.
There would be movement.
So yeah, we'll say that while the next few turns
are happening, you're getting yourselves out of this rope.
Somehow I turn around and I'm like,
my face is over her shoulder,
and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm figuring it out.
You're doing good job, this is fine.
Now, Lipsinki and Flint, you rolled the same thing,
so we'll say this is kind of happening at the same time.
Flint, it is your turn.
All right, how close am I to this?
Picturing you still up at the top.
I think I said 120 feet from top to bottom.
All right, in that case,
I will move my glorious 25 feet.
Got those little legs.
And then I will double it by adding in some hustle.
Again, knocking the popcorn guy,
because three times is comedy gold in threes, right?
Right, gotta have it in threes.
Yeah, so we're gonna put in some sort of
Wilhelm scream.
Every time everybody dashes past this,
this poor, poor individual,
who was just working this on the weekends,
just to make it-
Trying to put his kids through college.
Yep.
Anything you wanna throw or do?
Well, I mean, if you're giving me the option
of throwing my thrower, I could,
but I don't know, it feels like probably
just the dash action should be where I stop.
All right, you stop at your dash action then.
Dents, you're back up top.
Okay, so everyone has made their way
towards the center of the arena?
Yes, you and Grancis are the sole individuals
up at the top.
Grancis, an old, frail man
that nobody seems to like in this group.
You've picked up on that.
Your insight's so good.
Right, yes.
Yeah, so Dents is going to,
how close is the center of the arena?
120 feet.
120 feet away from where I am currently.
Dents is going to,
he's gonna use his movement of 25 feet to get closer,
and then he's gonna cast a fairy fire,
which now he casts towards,
towards the arena where the,
where all of our friends are
and this big, huge monster thing,
and fairy fire will give, will paint
all the objects in that area green,
and the kind of, it gives them a green outline,
and the monster now has to make a dex saving throw.
Okay. 18.
Oh, that's a 17.
The monster is now highlighted in red,
and any attack rolls against it
will now have advantage for the attacker,
and the affected creature cannot benefit
from being invisible.
Perfect.
That was his next move.
You foiled me.
Oh, and you're doing some acrobatics too.
What's his name, Vuvuzela?
What's his name again?
Pazuzu.
Vuvuzela.
Vuvuzela, yeah.
That's all we hear is the Vuvuzelas around.
Can you just pipe that into the background?
Yeah, 100%.
All the sounds that I previously described
are just Vuvuzela, and Grancis can scream Vuvuzela.
I don't know what a Vuvuzela is.
Is it from Seussical the Musical?
No, it's like the trumpet sound from...
Yeah, they did the World Cup in South Africa
a bunch of years ago, and it was the noise
that was in the crowd the entire time.
And then they sort of took over the world
for like a month.
But anyway, now I really don't know.
Papusa, what'd you say his name is?
Pazuzu.
Pazuzu.
Pazuzu.
Pazuzu.
He's very intimidating, but the name is not so much.
Yeah, no, I mean, it's a name that...
It's like a boy named Sue kind of thing.
Yeah, exactly.
Pazuzu.
Grancis was busy reading through his book
trying to find something cool to do.
Somebody roll me a D20.
No.
Seven.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Ooh, okay.
Ah, no, yeah.
I read that the casting time is 10 minutes.
I was like, no, that's not gonna happen,
but it was the duration that was 10 minutes.
I mean, that would be something
that Grancis would do, be like, I need 10.
Okay.
Keep him busy.
I got a good one here.
He, well, and then you had the steel.
You got any, Dentz, you got any steel on you?
Yeah, well.
That spoon will do.
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Tosses in the spoon.
I'm just gonna, yeah, I'm gonna wish that.
Oh, it's gonna, bow!
Okay.
Oh, oh, I'm invulnerable now.
It's good for Grancis to be able to do that.
Good, I mean, he's still the only one
just off at the top. Good for him.
Not in the mix at all.
No, he should be invulnerable.
I thought this was a bigger effect.
Neat.
He kind of flicks Dentz.
Did you feel that?
That kind of hurt?
Yeah, I thought you were supposed
to be fighting those guys.
Oh, no, I don't fight.
I sit on the sidelines and read my book
and try and figure out something real cool to do.
I thought that was gonna be for everybody.
Like, make everybody invulnerable
so they can't take damage.
But instead, I just made me invulnerable,
which is super helpful.
Right, Thea?
Can't hear you fighting.
Okay, yep, yep, she,
that's our little witty repartee.
That's what we do.
She knows.
We're gonna fist bump about it later.
You know, right?
No, we're not.
Oh, she heard that.
When your hearing goes, you talk louder.
Thanks.
It's only the two of us.
I feel like I'm singing to you now.
When the moon in the middle
is a big piece of pizza,
that's the middle.
Beautiful.
Thank you, thank you.
Starting with a song dynamic, it's very different,
but it's just the two of us.
It's just the two of us singing to each other.
Yeah.
Well, hello, Carla.
Welcome to the middle. Hello.
And to you, sir.
Thank you.
I hope you're having a lovely day.
And you too, listeners. Lovely day.
And you too.
Just a couple quick things we wanna talk about.
That's right.
Number one, newsletter.
You signed up yet?
You should.
Comes out once a month.
There's like stuff in it.
It's fun.
Carla's the one who creates it
and she describes it as there's stuff in it.
So, you know, that really just sums it up
is whatever we have going on,
if we got together, we got pictures of that.
If Tom cooked something real good, share that.
Yeah, it's just like the printed version
of like a little bit of our nonsense
and like some scheduling information.
Which to my fault,
has not been correct in the last four months.
So thank you, Carla, for trying to keep up.
It's correct in that, you know,
like things are gonna come out.
We're all just doing our best.
Aspirations always start really high.
But yeah, you should sign up.
Just go to the website and you can do it there
and it's really easy.
And while you're there,
you could just maybe join Patreon at any level
and then you can come join us for book club,
which is coming up soon-ish, not scheduled,
but will be scheduled very soon.
And the book this time is
Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi.
And it's fun.
And maybe you've read it anyway.
And even if you haven't, you still have time
because we need to get organized to meet up,
but that's any patron can come.
And we always have great conversations about the book,
about, I don't know, life,
about Kaijus probably this time,
but it's a ton of fun.
Tom and Amy and I are usually always there.
And then a bunch of cool smart rad listeners are also there.
And hey, maybe join the Discord too
because all those cool smart rad listeners
are definitely on there
and they make your life better.
And there's a channel for the book club,
for patrons in the Discord too
to talk about the book as you're reading it,
if there's questions or excitement.
Because while I'm not there,
I do enjoy seeing the excitement about the books
and everybody back and forth.
And it makes me want to read it.
And then I usually go buy a book
and it sits in the stack of now 20 books
on my bedside table.
So one time, one of those books will line up.
It'll time up and you'll be there
and it'll be great.
But yeah, we would love it if you came
because it's super fun.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Any supporters of the show are invited to the book club
as well as many other great things.
So you can go check it out.
We've got some refresh of our crowdfunding
coming very soon too.
More about that next week.
See, this is me holding myself accountable.
Watch, I'll edit it out.
It'll be fun.
All right, everybody.
We'll get you back to the episode.
Thank you so much for being here.
We'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
We go to the top
and it is the quote unquote layer action
and every creature in this space is now churning
and creating like this vortex of wind
and of like this cutting, biting air
that is cutting through the air around you.
Everybody make a constitution saving throw.
See, I got 17.
19.
Is this a magical effect?
Yeah.
Cool.
Nat 20 for Nihonder.
Sweet, so pretty cool.
Here's the one 20.
Nat.
24.
26.
Nat one for Lipsynchee.
So Nighhunter maybe did break my body.
I turned into Grant's sister.
Nuh-uh.
I tried really hard not to break you.
So only a really bad one was Lipsynchee.
So Lipsynchee, you're gonna take 38 slashing,
magical slashing damage.
Everybody else is gonna take half of that.
I believe that's 19.
As this wind and like feathers and scales
are like being churned up into this vortex
and shooting off of the sides
because I realized that Grants and Dancer on the outside.
So I just got to include you in the fun as you do.
Pazuzu's turn and he's looking not great
but he's realizing that he is losing.
Blood.
Blood.
But also the faith of his people, of his followers.
But didn't he just gather them all up
in his lair into a tornado?
Yeah.
It could be better.
Like it could include fire.
And you know there's murmurs among it
being like is Pazuzu really worthy?
Like we were gonna go for Pazaza in the last election.
I paid tickets to be here.
Exactly.
He's gonna go for Vorunax.
That is going to be a 24 to hit with his big blade.
That'll hit.
So again, that's 42 slashing 10 necrotic
straight to your body.
And he lets out like this.
You don't understand it
but he's screaming in infernal.
What would that sound like?
Rarrr!
Rarrr!
And you hear from the top above all the wind.
That means fuck you.
No.
If you didn't get that.
I mean the sentiment of a fuck you
is the same in any language, isn't it?
Well, Vorunax is down.
Vorunax is down?
Yeah.
Like a clown?
I mean definitely down like a clown, down to clown
but no I mean like I guess I hadn't healed
since our last interaction or anything.
I only had like 114.
Out of my total.
Oops.
Yeah, I'm on the ground.
But I can do my reaction to hellish rebuke, right?
Yeah, of course.
Fuck you too.
As you falling, you do whatever you do
to hellish rebuke.
Describe what that looks like
as you're falling limply to the ground.
Fuck.
I say, if I had one more hit point
it'd be worse than this.
By one?
Son of a bitch.
Shit.
Yeah, you got me right to zero.
That's awesome.
Wow.
Shut your face.
From up above, you hear,
I think I've got something for that
and then frantic flipping through his book.
Vorunax, it's your turn.
Death saving throw, please.
Oh, well I still need that
dex saving throw from the...
No.
The man's dying, give him the dex saving throw.
17.
17 fails, so that is
39 fire damage.
Ooh.
Yeah, the boils, you don't see it
because you're going unconscious.
But everybody else sees it.
The blisters are popping
and muscles in you
and it's in you is showing through the skin
and he is driving his sword deep into you,
driving you to the ground.
Okay.
And everybody else sees he's collapsing on top of it,
so losing strength.
That's a 17.
That's a success.
Night Hunter.
So Pazuzu's on the ground?
He's driving the sword into Vorunax
and everybody notices that he's losing strength
as he's trying to prop himself back up.
So he's having trouble readying himself.
Okay.
So, and how far away would you say that is from the...
Within 30 feet.
Okay.
So Night Hunter's going to run over
and with Corpse Grinder, take a whack
at his very thick, muscly neck.
I assume it's very thick and muscly.
It's so thick and muscly.
For a 25.
That will hit.
You roll with advantage.
Could be better.
Oh no, that was a three.
Very much aiming that one up.
So 1d12 plus seven.
Max damage for 19 and she's gonna do it again.
All right.
Oh, that's a three.
Oh shit, Jesus.
Don't panic.
Oh, that's a one, are you kidding me?
Okay, so three plus 13 is still four.
That doesn't hit.
16.
No, okay.
But.
That's not how math works.
But it like, you swing your axe through
and it cleaves into his neck
and he falls to the ground,
pulling the sword back out of Vorunax.
Your second one misses, not because of your bad rolls,
but because he's just not there anymore.
He's down at the ground.
Yeah, obviously you were aiming for the same spot
in like a swinging motion.
So that's what it was, yeah.
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
That hinder doesn't feel bad,
but you don't hit him all the way.
But there's this deep red black ichor
like pouring down as he's trying to like grab
for his weapon down on the ground.
Thea.
Thea was behind Vorunax
and runs to catch up to him on the ground
and drops to her knees
and is like, you can't die.
You can't die.
And she touches his chest where he was stabbed
and casts Cure Wounds.
On him at level five,
he gets to regain five D8 plus four hit points.
Five D8 plus four.
Yeah, do I have to roll that?
Does he roll that?
You guys pick who rolls that.
Do you wanna roll it, Kyle?
No, you go for it.
Yeah, I don't know, Kyle.
I trust you.
I don't know if you should.
I'm just, funnel it, funnel it now.
Oh God, okay, five.
One, two, three.
I had to roll.
Is here you want one of these good ones?
Oh, get away from me.
So far you got three threes.
I didn't roll those ones yet.
Oh, I see.
I just put them in the middle.
Oh my God, I made a one.
Okay, 14 plus eight is 22,
plus four is 26, so you get 26 hit points back.
I'll take it.
Deep breath as Vorunax regains consciousness.
You're prone, but you are back.
Sorry, buddy, you're not out of this yet.
Thank you.
I'll get back at it.
Get out there.
Cool, okay.
That was cool.
I'm glad you're out since I brought anyone back
from the dead of any kind.
And Vorunax of all people.
I know, right?
Who knew?
If someone had told you that, like, you know,
a month ago.
Pazuzu, Icarus spurting, Vorunax breath of life
coming back to him, the swirling vortex is slowing,
and everybody's watching as Pazuzu,
nobody's coming to his aid, and it's Lipsinki.
Lipsinki's turn, as he's, like, bleeding out,
reaching for his weapon, like, just blindly to his side,
he can't really, he doesn't seem to have
the strength to stand up.
Lipsinki, like, straight loses it
when she sees Vorunax go down,
because this is literally her only friend in the world.
She's literally only here because of him.
So I think she's just going to
just turn into, like, a ravening beast
with primal savagery, so I am going to just run at him
and attack with claws and biting
and just, like, in a primal, visceral way.
Yes.
Dirty 20.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, that's gonna hit.
Well, you get to roll with advantage, too, right?
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's worse.
Okay, yeah, he is prone as well,
so yeah, absolutely, that's gonna hit.
He's gonna take four D10 damage,
and that is 19,
and, I mean, please bear in mind,
he is gigantic, and I'm very small,
and I'm just like, I'm like a hamster on him,
or something, I'm just going crazy.
I'm picturing the spider mouthy
from A Christmas Story when he fights the bullies.
So much swingin'.
What I'm really hoping is that this maybe
is the last straw for his, like, crowd of admirers,
because he is just getting, like, worked over
by this little gnome.
Everybody, it goes silent in there.
Like, well, all you hear is, like,
the sound of wings, like, beating,
just to keep them all hovering in spot,
as you straight up murder Pazoo.
There's Ickers spraying everywhere,
you're going feral on top of them,
and they all begin to lift out of the Coliseum,
and just kind of move slowly away,
leaving him to perish in the middle of this chamber.
Can I run over to Vorunax?
Yes, you can.
Or I guess he's right there.
Can I jump onto Vorunax, but gently,
and, like, spoon into him?
Come on, come on, buddy, you gotta, come on.
Vorunax, roll me a D100, please.
D100, you got it.
That's 25.
Lipsinki runs over, your head is, like, throbbing.
From the way you hit, or whatever,
you've suffered a severe concussion.
You have disadvantage on concentration checks,
maintaining a spell requires a DC-10 concentration check
at the end of each of your turns.
It can be healed using different healing spells,
but otherwise it lasts two D6 days if it's not addressed,
so it's gonna last six days,
unless otherwise addressed.
Yeah. Okay.
Mark all that down,
and as Lipsinki, like, jumps on top,
maybe like, ugh, but yes, I'm glad you're safe.
And I kinda just put my hand around her and, like, embrace.
Nighthunter walks up and takes the sword.
Good call.
Of the fucking guy, yeah.
Vorunax, if you die, then I don't even care,
I'm just gonna destroy the whole, the whole damn world.
So, we're trying to do this good thing,
but I'm certainly not doing it without you.
Well, and I'm not doing it without you,
which is why I felt so compelled
to just rush in so brashly.
I lean over to Thea, and I'm like,
we gotta keep him alive.
Yeah, no, definitely, for sure, for sure.
Yeah, so Dents walks over to Vorunax,
and he casts Cure Wounds at the third level,
and you get, oh, jeez, oh gosh, that was awful,
10 hit points.
Hell take them.
Doesn't take away your concussion,
but definitely gives you 10 hit points back.
Okay, well, you seem to be back up.
I guess we should probably go find the boat.
Everybody looks like they left.
Maybe they're gonna go try and vote in a new Pazoo Zoo.
So we should probably leave before they do that.
If I know anything about the chant that they said,
the ritual is not great.
Well, we stopped the ritual, though.
But how do you vote in a new Pazoo Zoo?
If the old one wanted your eyes and shit.
Naya Hunter's holding the sword and goes,
I could be the Pazoo Zoo.
We cut back to the boat.
Night Hunter's not there.
No, no, yeah.
What?
Because you're the new Pazoo Zoo.
I'm the new Pazoo Zoo.
Okay, we cut back to the boat,
and Dance gets you back on course,
and you're moving towards,
you see over this other tall, spiring tower,
all of these creatures swirling around,
and then there's this blood-red,
almost volcano-like fluid,
that magma that begins pouring from this tower.
No, I like volcano-like fluid.
Magma.
Magma.
Yeah, and there's sharks with frickin' laser beams, okay?
How does Awesome Powers make its way into life
every fourth episode?
I feel like it's been a little while, but.
It's just gotta.
I mean, Russ can't say magma.
I don't expect us to go with it.
Yeah, exactly.
Or forget the words magma.
It's in the contract.
Volcano liquid.
Volcano-like fluid is what I said.
Volcano-like fluid.
Okay, get it right.
I was trying to avoid it so hard.
Well, so it goes.
And gets you back on course,
and you're moving towards the portal
clocked by dense when you entered
as the one to take you straight to the Palace of Naratir.
How long do you think it'll take us to get there?
Oh, well.
Time is a construct.
Okay.
As someone who needs a bit of a rest now and then,
how long would you maybe say if I were to just sit
and meditate for a while?
How long do you think I'd have to meditate?
Oh, you could meditate for a long time.
It's almost like you could meditate
for a long, restful period.
That's, I need that, yes.
I would also really like that.
And then, do you just sort of slingshot us
through that last portal, or you take us
right to the?
Curbside, right?
Curbside, right, to Orcus's Tower, okay.
I just do my job.
And you do it damn well.
You're doing it so good.
So well.
Admirably.
Grancis, we really could have used your help back there.
What the fuck were you doing?
I made myself invulnerable.
Are you still invulnerable?
And she punches his shoulder.
Oh, didn't even feel it.
10 whole minutes, which I feel like just wore off.
So you got me right at the right time.
That's fantastic, Grancis.
I could have made you invulnerable if you were me.
Well, if you were me, then I'd be you.
And I would have used your body to stand up here
and cast a spell on myself.
And then join the battle?
Yes, that would be the big difference.
Yeah, I mean, Vorunax definitely,
whatever body Vorunax was in,
he definitely joined the battle.
He wouldn't just be up there picking up the popcorn
that the person kept dropping on the ground
when they were getting knocked over.
That's right, we saw you do that.
Dents pulls Yui's and, you know.
Takes a scenic route, you know.
Just kind of shows you all of what Pazoozooville,
what did I call it, Pazoonia,
all of what Pazoonia has to offer
takes you by the popcorn.
They're gonna have to rename the whole town.
This, this fort is different from this other fort.
I know they look the same,
but this port has crinkle fries
and that fort has curly fries.
What's regional delicacy?
It's a big distinction.
Really just, you know,
make sure that people know that they're home.
I wonder if the sword is special.
Yes.
Sword's special.
Sword's special, yes.
I will tell you about the sword at another time.
In Dumgeon's downtime.
Yeah, probably.
Thea just goes to,
it's just at the back of the boat
and just like meditating the shit out of.
Your long rest takes infinitely shorter period of time
than everybody else's long rest.
So you're just there for the scenic rendezvous
that's happening.
But once that long rest is done
and you've all clicked your buttons,
still maintaining your concussion Vorunax
at this present moment.
It's ready.
Dense is ready to take you on through
and you proceed through the portal
and it leads you through
and it's like all light around you is sucked out
and there's this low droning sound that washes over you.
And Vorunax and lip-synchy,
you have this weird,
oddly juxtaposed sense of home
as soon as it washes over you.
Everybody else, there is a chill that washes over you.
Everybody make a wisdom saving throw
at disadvantage, please.
Oh, question.
When we had our long rest,
did our exhaustion level reset?
I believe exhaustion goes away.
Okay, we have to.
By one level, yeah,
so if you only have one then, yeah.
A 14 after disadvantage, Russ.
10 after disadvantage.
That's a dirty 20.
13.
Seven for Nighthunter.
Oh, and if you're within 10 feet of me,
you get a plus four to your roll.
Oh, okay.
So it's 11 for Nighthunter.
I mean, we're all in a boat.
I assume we're all there.
Fuck off.
Nat one for Thea.
So 14, 14 for Dense.
Oh no.
Does my plus 11 count and then plus my four?
Or is Nat one just like, that's it?
No, it's plus your whatever.
Okay, so 16.
Wow, has Nat one never been better?
Teamwork.
Vorunax and Lipsinki, you're oddly fine.
Not oddly, it's because it's familiar.
It's home to you.
Everybody else, even with all the plus fours
and extra rolls and whatever else you did.
I worked hard for that.
All gain one level of madness.
And meanwhile, they're like,
Paris and Rome, I wanna go home.
Oh.
Michael Buble over here.
Cancun, bringing it.
The boat continues forward and this looming presence,
your eyes adjust slightly to like this bioluminescent
glow out over these roiling hills.
And you look and for the people who've been here
for the first time,
this is part of why this madness has overtaken you.
Like all of these hills are like this bubbling ichor
and they're all made of these patchwork flesh
that extend out and beyond the landscape.
You hear and see movement off in the distance
that your eyes can't quite focus on.
And you see ahead of you this tall spiring palace
built of bone and sinew and flesh
and it's extending to a sky that you can't see.
And it's glowing this eerie,
like just sickening white amidst all of this blackness.
And dense pulls the boat up to this ramshackled town
at the base of this cliff,
a distance away from this palace.
And you hear the sound bubbling up from the river
and its skeletal arms as they extend up and out
and begin folding down upon themselves
to make this bridge from the boat
to this town at the base of this cliff.
Here we go, guys.
Remember to give me five scars.
We'll make sure to do that before we go in there.
Really important to have a great rating, just saying.
Vorunax, you first, after you.
Well, if you're all ready, let's do this.
You all step off the boat
and onto this skeletal bridge that's formed
and dense with now his only one oar
begins slowly paddling away back up the river sticks
to pick up his next fare.
Oh no, wait, wait, wait, dance.
And then I toss him some soul coins
because he really stepped out pretty big
and this was an above and beyond sort of.
He became part of the team.
Thanks.
And he comes back around and he puts his hand out
so that everyone can huddle up one,
yeah, a little huddle up again.
He casts, he casts heroism at the sixth level
when everyone puts their hand in.
So on your travels, you gain an extra four hit points.
It's only up to one minute,
but get an extra four hit points.
You don't know when I'm gonna stub my toe.
It's the thought that counts.
Oh no, you gain four hit points
and you're immune from being frightened, so.
Relevant.
So it's scary out there for a minute
and I'm going off, Dents is on his way.
Remember Five Skies.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 142,
starring Amy More as Thea in Night Hunter,
Carla Maxted as Lipsinki, Tom Laird as Flint
with Kyle Claset as Vorunax, Cicero Holmes as Dents
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and Artlist and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss, Perry Matey,
Kayla Littlejohn, L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter,
Old School Gamer D, Ongarong Kierzan
and Destiny Garcia.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
and receive hundreds, literal hundreds of hours
of bonus content, hangouts with the cast
and a whole lot more.
You have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Uh, 19.
Stop looking at my shit.
Start being honest now,
you don't have to hear the D.
And there's chanting all around
and everybody's, it's in this,
Cicero, damn it, Cicero, sorry.
Dents and Varnocks.
You really made that sound like it's false.
Cicero, god damn it.
Cicero, damn it.
Right, why's your name so cool?
It sounds made up.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.